ReachOutGiving

I have been waiting to send the email hoping that things would improve.  I didn’t want to say the words out loud because then it would be real.   I was hoping I would be wrong that things are not really turning the wrong direction but here is what has been happening the last few weeks.  This is a picture of Dave looking on as I cut my birthday cake.  His smile says it all, he truly loves me doesn’t he.

July 23, 2011

Dave has had a very rough week lots of pain and vomiting.

Yesterday Dave and I were headed to Joseph to see Dr. Boyd.  We had stopped at our friends Tia and Dee on the way.  Tia had told Dave the night before he was going to drive us over and was not taking no for an answer.  We got to their house ok but he was having problems the whole way.  We went in the house and he sat down then passed out.  When he came to he started vomiting and the vomit had blood in it.  I asked Dave where he wanted to go and he elected to go to the local ER in Orofino which I was glad.  The hospital is just a couple of blocks from Tia and Dee’s so it was quick to get him there.  I want most of the decisions about his health to be his until he can no longer make those for himself clearly then I will take over.

They did a lot of tests.  It all boils down to this.  The tumor on the small lobe of his liver is completely engulfed in tumor.  They can no longer see the actual liver in the CT.  His other tumors on his pancreas, other lobe of liver and the media stenum (his chest) have not changed very much since he had his last PET scan.

I have not discussed it with Dave.  I don’t believe that the patient should know time frames but our time with Dave is very limited.  They said somewhere around a month but if something changes which it could, it could be just days.  I hope that we will have Dave longer than a month but I do understand the bad side of this.  I am hoping and praying he lives much longer than they give him as I have said before he is tough as nails and has fooled them in the past.  Dave will most likely die of liver failure.  If he does I will have a couple of days notice before he actually passes.  He will turn jaundice and that will cause other organs to start to fail.  It is not a pretty picture but I believe knowledge is power and it is better to know ahead of time than to be shocked later.

Peggy

July 14, 2011

Dave and I went to Joseph Oregon today so that Dave could see our doctor there.  Dave is down in weight to 178.  He had been holding his own during the winter between 205 and 210.  Dr. Boyd decided the medication list was way too long and decided to take him off as much as possible then add back as needed.

Dr. Boyd hopes that this will help get the nausea under control.  He says the nausea could be from too many drugs or a drug that might not agree with him but it is most likely the cancer.  He had a surprising added suggestion that took Dave and me back.   We didn’t expect our kind old doctor to suggest that.  Dave’s half brother in California sent a package of brownies in response for Dave and he has tried it a couple of times.  He is not sure he likes it but anything that stops the vomiting.  It is so out of character for Dave I think it rubs him the wrong way.

July 12, 2011

Up until now I think Dave has been holding his own as best he can considering everything.  As most of you know he is tough as nails, but I can see things are starting to get rougher.  He never likes asking for help and having to have help putting up the hay was very hard for him.  He was able to be out and about during the haying but later fessed up to me that he spent a lot of time behind a tree or the barn vomiting.  The weekend really took its toll on him.  He has been in bed sleeping for the most part since.  Dave is in quite a bit of pain and has been vomiting regularly.

Last week we were able to cut our small acreage of hay.  My quick lessons on how to run the swather and bailer turned out ok.  I have been using the tractor for years so that wasn’t a problem but if something breaks down I have no idea how to fix anything.  Things looked pretty good getting it swathed and raked but then after just a short while of starting to get the hay bailed the bailer broke down.  This was on Friday morning and everyone that was coming to help was soon to be arriving.  I had hoped to have the bailing done when they arrived and then all we had to do is pick up the bails. 

Things never run as planned so long story short we finally got the bailer back up and running with the help of many men.  The bailing commenced at 5:30 Saturday evening and by the time we were done on Sunday afternoon we had put around 40 ton in the barn.

We had a great crew Cory Dave’s brother and his with Heather and Justin their 2 year old, my family John and Teresa, Bill and Melanie, Judy and Mike, Kathy, Betty and Colton his girlfriend Jonnie.  Plus we had a couple of neighbors come by and help fix the bailer.

End of the Day Sunday                                                                Fixing the Bailer

We celebrated my 45^th birthday also.  We had so many desserts you could pretty much get anything you wanted.  My sisters and sisters’ in-laws really held down the kitchen for me so I could spend my time out in the tractor.  I am not use to that I usually end up heading up the kitchen and working in the fields at the same time so it was really nice.

Besides helping with the hay and feeding everyone.  The women weeded the garden, mowed the lawn cleaned house and did whatever they could think of to help us.  The men worked double hard on getting the bailer fixed, loading the hay and stacking it in the barn.

Part of the crew

We had a pretty good weekend but Dave is really feeling the effects of the hard work.

Peggy

July 6, 2011

Early in the day I found Eagle Dave's favorite cow dog had passed away.  He was 15 and had been with us all the years we were in Imnaha.  He was Dave’s constant companion.  Dave has been having a terrible week having lots of pain.  So I decided I would bury Eagle for him.  He wouldn't have it he wanted to bury him.  I had already wrapped Eagle up in a clean sheet before I told Dave that eagle had passed away.  We took the tractor out to the high point next to the trees overlooking the property and dug a hole for Eagle.  We placed him in and covered him up without either of us falling apart.   

Dave and Eagle overlooking the canyon

 As soon as we got back to the house Dave collapsed having enormous pains in his stomach and chest.  I got him medicated with pain killers and sleeping pills and he slept most of the afternoon while I fell completely apart.  I didn't know what to do I felt so helpless.  The oncologist doctor he had been seeing here in Lewiston told me Friday when I picked up a prescription for a pain patch that if Dave didn't want to continue with any chemo there was no point in scheduling any more appointment with him.  That left me not knowing who to contact when things go wrong.

When the pain left after he woke he told me "I finally figured it out, God needs a Cowboss and he is calling me home to go to work for him.  He just took Eagle first so he would be there to help me when I got there".  My heart just broke wide open on the spot.  We talked for a short while longer and then he went back to sleep.  When he woke up again he was hungry with only a small amount of pain.  He ate solid food and drank an ensure. 

 He is sleeping again.  I think luck was on our side and he will be with us for a while longer.

 Love Peg