Cant’ Died in the Cornfield
As I was enjoying myself with my daughter and grandchildren carcinoma was silently invading my body. I returned home on Saturday and on Sunday in my shower carcinoma, the squid, made its appearance. It took me by surprise. How did it get that big overnight? Why didn’t I notice it growing in the past weeks? I regularly do my examinations in the shower? How did I miss this? What was it and what was I going to do about it? At that time, I didn’t have insurance and I wasn’t working. I had been planning and designing my new career direction. A lump in my breast was not on my list of things to do.
The next weeks of appointments and tests consumed my time, my thoughts and my prayers. I had to know what was going on before I could go on! My regular routine was put on hold while I researched a topic I didn’t have time for and met with people I never thought I wanted to know. I began with my primary health provider and she sent me to St. Anthony’s Prompt Care to the Washington Breast and Cervical Health program. From there I was sent to the Carol Milgard Breast Center for a mammogram. Two weeks later I met my surgeon with the Franciscan Surgical Center. For the next two weeks I had MRIs, biopsies, counseling and appointments at the health department for insurance. The dishes stacked up, the floors went unswept, and anxiety laid over my being.
Oh my goodness! January continued to rob my joy. Feelings of complete numbness became my normal. I was not on track with my business plans. My savings was gone and now I had cancer. I kept thinking, “Are you kidding me? “ This time was supposed to be “my time.” Now with an empty house, I was planning towards new goals and dreams. I wasn’t even going to replace the family dog to keep me company in the quiet house. I was going to follow my business plan, be independent and travel. I would visit my grandchildren and distant friends. New adventures and opportunities were about to unfold for me as I went into my sixties. But, no-oooo! I was going to meet an oncologist, a chemo team, have an echogram and become very sick. I would be so sick a friend would keep me at her house to be closer to the hospital.
My chemo therapy was delivered every 21 days with two and a half weeks of side effects. The worst for me was the fatigue and loss of taste. My favorite foods tasted as if I licked the bottom of a submarine. I wasted a lot of food that I couldn’t tolerate or finish. I became obsessed with identifying foods with or without sugar. My doctor said not to eat raw sugar; it feeds cancer cells. So, I eliminated All sugar I could. I spent two hours grocery shopping because I mostly was reading labels. I would have two days before the next treatment when I would feel like myself. The rest of the time was spent in and out of napping on my sofa. Life went on outside my house while, I was laid out!